And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
