well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Congratulations! We have a period
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