I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize
