Yo dont text me then not text me
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
