So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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