Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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