I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize