In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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