So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
