Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
