do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
