So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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