I can tuck mytits in my pants
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
