Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
