i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
He kissed a someone with a penis
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize