Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
