You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
