Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
He better not be in your backpack
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
