It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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