I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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