I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
