My nipple is on Facebook.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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