I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
