I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
sick fucks of a feather flock together
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
