just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
