I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
