I want to make a zoo with you.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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