went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
