Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
