dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
