Me. At least after what I've been through.
oh god the rape fog is back!
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
