well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
