whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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