Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
don't judge my taste in strippers
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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