just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
