did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
