I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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