Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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