I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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