this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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