so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
porn star boner night. come get it.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
