Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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