i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
