U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize