I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
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