But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
thus making me awesome and them whores
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
