you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
