if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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