He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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