this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
