I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize