I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize