I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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