I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
