i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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