Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
