how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
how do you play pong handcuffed?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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