if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
