We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
