big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize