xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize