your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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