yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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