Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
