Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
