i jhust puked up my retainher.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
