Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
