Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
