you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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