why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
