My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
