i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize